Bride explains bridal party costs, expectations in letter to bridesmaids

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This bride just wants to make sure everyone is on the same page. 

That’s why she decided to actually write out the costs and time commitments that she expected of her bridesmaids.

TikTok user Lisa, with the username @lisalovesrandom, posted a video earlier this week explaining the “transparency letter” she wrote to her bridesmaids. 

Lisa appears to have made the clip in response to another TikTok video, where the person wrote: “When you agree to be a bridesmaid without realizing it’ll cost 3 whole paychecks and every second of your PTO for the year.”

After showing that initial clip, the video cuts to Lisa, who said she was going to offer “a tip that I used to be more transparent with my bridal party.”

##stitch with @stephanieberman7 I was scared to have a ##transparency letter in the ##bridesmaidproposalbox but it WORKED OUT. ##wedding ##weddingtiktok

First, Lisa explained that before she got engaged, she had been a bridesmaid, but wasn’t aware of how much it was going to cost, or what exactly the bride expected of her as a bridesmaid. 

That’s why she decided to change things up for her own bridesmaids, even though she felt awkward about it at first.

“I felt very insecure doing this, but I’m ultimately glad that I did and that was, include a letter of what I expected from my bridal party,” Lisa said in the clip.

She explained that she put the letter in a “cute little envelope” and included the letter in the gift box she gave to her prospective bridesmaids.

A bride recently explained on TikTok that she wrote all her bridesmaids a "transparency letter" so they would know her expectations and be able to say no to being a bridesmaid early on. (iStock)

“And in that letter, I outlined time commitments,” Lisa said. “So I told them if they live over an hour away, they didn’t have to worry about making it to the bridal shower, or to go wedding dress shopping with me, it was fine.”

“I also specified money commitments,” she added. “So I told them I would pay for their hair and makeup, but that they would be responsible for the cost of the bridesmaid dress, although they had freedom as to what style they wanted. I just wanted a specific color.”

However, Lisa also said she wanted her friends to know they didn’t have to be her bridesmaids.

“Most importantly, I told them that they could say no to being a bridesmaid, that we would still be friends and that they could keep all gifts within the bridesmaid proposal box,” Lisa said. 

In fact, she added: “One of them said no and we’re still good friends.”


Since she posted it on Sunday, Lisa’s video has been viewed more than 3.4 million times.

Though some commenters were confused why brides would ask their bridesmaids to pay for anything, many other commenters supported Lisa’s clarity.

“That’s a mature way of handling it,” one person said. 

Lisa responded: “And that’s how they interpreted it, too! I was so scared that it would seem like a bridezilla move.”


In a follow-up clip, Lisa actually shared the transparency letter and addressed some people’s concerns about her asking her bridesmaids to pay for anything.

Reply to @silly16boo Your ##transparencyletter may look different, & that’s okay. We envision different things.❤️ ##wedding ##weddingtiktok ##bridesmaids

“I want to emphasize that the reason behind my last video was more to introduce the concept of normalizing brides being transparent about what they expect from a bridal party and also to allow bridesmaids to say no if they don’t want to be part of that commitment,” Lisa said in her second TikTok video.

She then showed the letter to viewers and said later: “If your thoughts are, ‘I would never ask that of somebody,’ or ‘I would never do that for someone else’ then don’t.”

Lisa then went on to say that all brides have different preferences and bridesmaids have different expectations, so it’s good to be clear from the start.

“People are just different,” Lisa said. “Brides want different things. Bridesmaids expect different things. This is why I think a transparency letter is a good idea. That way, everybody’s on the same page.”

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