DEAR DEIDRE: I WANT another baby so much I’m thinking of having an affair to get pregnant.
My husband had a vasectomy two years ago because he said he didn’t want any more kids, and at the time I agreed.
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We’ve been married for ten years. I’m 38, he’s 40, and we have two daughters aged nine and seven.
I thought I was happy with two children but then my friend had a gorgeous baby.
I started to feel more and more broody and sad that I’d never hold a newborn in my arms again.
My girls are growing up and no longer need me like they used to.
When I told my husband how I felt, he said I was being ridiculous and that I’d get over it.
But if anything my feelings have only grown stronger. I’d really like a baby boy to complete the family.
My husband won’t discuss a reversal, so my only option is to find a lover.
Of course, if I were to get pregnant, I’d have to lie that the vasectomy hadn’t worked.
Otherwise, my marriage would be over for good.
I do love my husband but I resent him for not being able to get me pregnant.
In retrospect, he shouldn’t have had the vasectomy and should have carried on using condoms, which he hated.
I know it’s wrong but I’ve started looking online at sites where people can meet for anonymous sex, and at dating apps.
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There’s one guy who looks a bit like my husband and I’m tempted to contact him.
Or maybe I should just pick someone up in the pub for a one-night stand?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your desire for another baby is so intense that you’re willing to deceive your husband, risk your marriage and break up your children’s home.
If you had an affair without protection you’d also be putting your sexual health, and your husband’s, at risk.
You’d also be using a guy as a non-consenting sperm donor – a man who might want to be part of his baby’s life.
I wonder if it’s really a baby you want, or if you need to fill a vacuum – a deep unhappiness – in your life or relationship.
Ask yourself if you feel fulfilled. Is there an area of your life that needs attention?
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My wife lets me have sex with other men as otherwise I’d be depressed
Finn tells Ashley he’s going on a date after they’ve just broken up
I think couples counselling would be advisable to work through your feelings and resentment. You can find support through tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).
If your desire for a baby doesn’t wane, please talk to your husband again and ask him to support you so you can work this through together.
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