My partner left me because I buy sexy lingerie for women I meet online

DEAR DEIDRE:  MY partner left me after she caught me chatting with other women online.

She hit the roof when she discovered I buy them sexy lingerie in exchange for saucy pictures. She’s 45, I’m 49 and we’ve been together for two years.

I started flirting online around 10 years ago when I was married to a selfish woman, who cared more about her career than me. She would never get in before 12pm, so I had to keep myself entertained.

That’s when I discovered these adult internet chat sites. All the women I spoke to were very forward, sexually confident and there was a lot of flirting. Talking to them made me feel good about myself.

It made me realise that just as my wife wasn’t interested in me, I didn’t care about her much either — so I filed for divorce.

I stayed off the chat sites when I first met my girlfriend through a colleague two years ago.

Then lockdown hit and we grew sick of being with each other 24/7. Our conversation and sex life dried up. I was desperate to talk to anyone other than my girlfriend, so I reopened my chat accounts.

I got sucked back in, and was soon buying two or three lingerie sets for different women each week. I couldn’t wait until they revealed themselves in the sexy underwear I’d bought them. Now I’ve racked up £4,000 in credit card debt.

While my girlfriend was asleep, I would sneak downstairs to pleasure myself while looking at the pictures of these women in the knickers I had bought — and sometimes send a picture of myself back.

One night my partner walked in. She had been worried when I wasn’t asleep next to her. She was horrified and broke up with me on the spot.

Now she is staying with friends, and won’t answer my calls or texts either. I miss her terribly.

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DEIDRE SAYS:  Your ex-wife’s lack of interest in you and your marriage has affected your self-esteem.

To feel better about yourself, you seek validation from these women online.
To stop you falling into this cycle again, try counselling.

The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy can help you find support locally (

Show your girlfriend you’re willing to change by closing your accounts and blocking these sites. If she still refuses to give your relationship another go, there is little you can do, other than move on and learn from this experience.

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